Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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