Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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