Pants 0. Shit 1.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
