you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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