jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
