his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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