All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
