i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
