4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
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I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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