but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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