I got chris browned last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
