Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize