the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
