I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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