I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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