Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm getting married
To pizza
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
