enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
