What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
