I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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