I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
