Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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