youre lurking in front of me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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