Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
