Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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