2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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