there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize