his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
