What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
