we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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