Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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