I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
