And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You did what with his pubic hair?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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