My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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