You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
