His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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