omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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