I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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