Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
