Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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