I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
