what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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