I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just threw up on my dentist
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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