Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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