it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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