I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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