so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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