Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
