I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
