fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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