Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
