Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
