you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
