marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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