I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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