I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
