Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My bed smells like the plague
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize