She said her name was "party"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
