Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
