Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
