Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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