I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
