We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
