Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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