if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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