This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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