Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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