Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
