i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
