i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
