shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
