Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
