I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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