some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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