Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
