i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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